Marie Claire Dubois As a courtship deepens, one heart will offer and another will open and accept. This is the first step you take to make this already wonderful love of yours an official commitment in the eyes of the community. Surprisingly, it will also change the way you think about your commitment.
So why not enjoy this piece of the dance? So often you hear it spoken about as something to be gotten over or through. It doesn’t need to be that way. How about this? Don’t propose until
- You’re really, really sure that this is what you want. Do not lurch into being engaged because you feel it’s expected or because you think you should. These are your very precious hearts on the line here. Be careful with them.
- You’ve enumerated the reasons you want to marry this person. You want to be able to tell your beloved when you offer your heart in exchange for a hand.
- You know the answer will be the one you want. You don’t want to talk about marriage on the first date, although ‘way to many people do. You do want to have talked about marriage before you make the decision to marry one another. Acknowledge that your relationship is deepening. Begin to ask your partner about life goals, visions of marriage, hopes for children. These are things you want to know before you get engaged and certainly before you marry. If the answers to jibe with yours, these are the reasons you’re going to want to set this very delightful person free to have the relationship he or she is dreaming of.
- You know the kind of proposal that will thrill this person. You’ve been to movies, you’ve taken walks and eaten meals with your beloved. You know what time of day is their happiest and where they like to see the sun set. You know what makes them happy. So choose a venue and have a good time.
And for those out there who are anticipating that a question might come, here are some things to think about:
- If you’re not sure that you want to marry this person, don’t let them propose. That’s only kind. No one wants to offer their ring and their heart and have their beloved say, “Ya know, I’m not sure.” Breaking up is hard to do. It’s worse when you’re engaged.
- If you’re sure you do want to marry this person, you should know why. List the reasons why this person is fabulous and why you’re sure that you will be happy in marriage with your beloved.
- If you have absolute requirements about a ring, help your sweetheart out. Let your beloved, your parents, your girlfriend or your jeweler know what they are. If you haven’t taken those precautions, be happy with the ring you get.
- If you’re going to say yes, be ready to be excited wherever your partner asks. Because every place is romantic and exotic when you’ve been proposed to there.
And here’s a note to both of you. Throw away the cell phones. Spend some long luxurious hours being engaged before you call everyone. So what if the rest of the world is instant gratification oriented. This is an out-of-this-world moment for the two of you. Why not keep it that way? Twitter can wait. Heaven is right here! There’s plenty of time to think about wedding ceremonies and wedding vows later. If you’ve been deliberate about setting up your proposal so that it reflects your values and your dreams it will be a great foundation for going forward. But that’s for later! Right now, you’re in the midst of a proposal!
